Thursday, November 09, 2017


Hey guys!!!
It's been forever. I honestly don't even know where to begin but here it goes.

It's really no secret that I have tried to stay consistent on this space but somehow life keeps happening and adulting seems to be getting harder each day and I know this has been the longest time I have been away but I truly apologise. The past couple of months has been really crazy and honestly, I didn't feel so motivated to write or be creative. Post Nysc has been a struggle, I feel like I need to dedicate a separate post to really discuss the whole post nysc depression because believe it or not that shit is real.

Post Nysc Depression.

If I was asked to describe myself in the past, I would have used any of these words (strong, optimistic ambitious, self-motivated and more). However, the past couple of months has helped me discover new things about myself. 

For one, I am not really as strong as I thought and even though I like to be the one that keeps everyone motivated. I also need to be motivated as well. Optimism has always and still remains my secret weapon but living in Nigeria, there comes a time in your life when you have to accept the harsh reality called Life.

I have openly discussed my job struggles, exam struggles/stress and also the numerous rejection emails I have received in the past months. Somehow, the pressure from everything got real and I caved in. I got depressed and it took me a long time but I had to finally admit to myself that I was depressed. It was at that point I need I had to get help. 

It's funny how we don't take depression seriously in this country. A friend opens up to you about being depressed and your first reaction is to laugh at them. Like fam, it took a lot of courage for me to open up to you. Please don't make me regret it. 

A Blog Break.

I was depressed. Honestly, it felt like I was losing everything in my life. I would second guess myself a lot and I also dealt with a lot of anxiety attacks. All my creative juice dried up, I didn't want to be productive and I didn't even feel like being useful. 

It's a miracle that I didn't run mad (one that I am thankful for) because a lot of people couldn't even tell that I was going through a rough patch or that I was even depressed because I hid it so well. Now that I think about it, I don't even think I knew I was depressed because I was living in denial. God forbid I was depressed(Typical Nigerian behaviour, right?). Not until I made a conscious decision to get help. 

I knew I had to take a break from blogging. This time not because of my exams or my busy schedule. I just knew I needed a break from this space and I know it took a long time but I am back. I hope you all can forgive me for my long absence and accept me back.

Life Lately.

So what did I do while I was away? Well, for one thing, I slept a lot or I tried to at least. Lol!

Writing- I found new ways to keep my creative juice fresh by writing more. I currently work as a style writer for an online magazine (Style Rave). An opportunity that I am truly grateful for not because it has helped me stay sane for the past months but also because I have been learning a lot from the whole experience. Writing for a magazine is actually quite different from writing for your own blog, I never knew it was that hard.

Going out- a lot. I used to think I was so much of an indoor person but lately, I have learned that maybe I didn't know so much about myself. I actually do enjoy going out.

Excited- that my exams are over for this year. I actually spent most part of the year writing exams and I am so glad to be finally taking a break from the whole exams.  However, I still have to read for my upcoming exams which is exactly three months away.

Watching- a ton of television series. I believe this is perhaps the only consistent activity in my life. Lol!

Planning- more blog posts and basically just brainstorming ideas. I am definitely going to put my creative juice to good use.

Preparing- for this year edition of the charity 2017 event. I worked as a volunteer last year and I blogged about it here. I joined the team this year, more responsibility but I am lowkey excited already for this year edition. I can't wait to share my experience on the blog. ( If you would love to volunteer, donate, or get tickets to support the event. Please leave a comment below this post).

Hoping- to get back on track with blogging since it already November and the year is already over. Also, this whole adulting thing and life in general.

Anticipating- my exam results. Pray for me.

Looking Forward- to attending this year's edition of GTBank Fashion Weekend. I wrote about it here recently. I also attended the just concluded Heineken Lagos Fashion and Design Week and I shared a mini review here, here, here and here. Pls, check it out.

Life lately has really been about me finding new ways to distract myself and stay productive. Yes, things haven't been going the way I planned and I know it sucks big time but I am learning to accept this bitter truth and live without so much pressure. Basically, learning not to expect so much from people or life in general but that doesn't mean that I would stop believing in myself or dreaming big. I know I am a big dreamer, Lol! It sure feels good to be back though.

Missed me, well I sure did miss everyone. I missed reading all your insightful comments and messages. 
Let's catch up. What have you been up to lately?

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  1. Babes it's so good to have you back. I'm not going to turn this into a speech but i can relate with all this 100%. Depression is hella real but one can always rise above it. I'm glad you took the Style Rave job. All the best in your exams and yes! to being productive and believing in ones'self.

    Hope to see you at the GTB Fashion Weekend as well.


  2. Hey b, I'm so proud of you and you're right, we don't take depression as seriously as we should. As someone who struggle with the blues I'm glad you're back and better than ever. I haven't even served yet, and I can already feel angst about the little adulting I've had to do. As for GTBank Fashion Weekend, I really want to go but, I can't bring myself to. I'm beginning to shy away from public gatherings :( :(

    1. Thanks for all your support. You helped me get through most of it and I am truly grateful.

  3. This is very inspiring...I am motivated right now fam

  4. I believe the first step to fighting back in life is "acceptance". It is nice to have you back on track and grinding again.
    I All the best wishes. Peace*

    1. It feels good to be back. Thank you so much.

  5. Baby, I'm so sorry for all that has happened and also happy because it will make you stronger and you've discovered alot about yourself which is the best thing one can do.

    I love your look! You're one of the extremely few people I'll love to do a style collaboration with.

    I pray you'll succeed in you exams, you deserve it.

    Missed you and hope you slay harder!

  6. Hi, Ilamosi.
    I really hope that you're doing well now (mentally, emotionally and physically). Things get tough at times, and only at such points do you realise that, "yeah, I'm human. Not as strong as I'd thought. And depression is real".

    I just pray that your dreams are fulfilled.

    About the volunteering bit, PLEASE reach out. Thanks

  7. Thanks Bolu. I really appreciate this.


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